.
sometimes i see him on a street
in a magazine, on a television,
in a coffee shop, on a billboard,
in a car, on a beach, in a dream
.
but i know it is not him, it can not be him,
it is someone who reminds me of him
or pieces of him, tiny remnants of him
because he was shattered, fragmented,
unfinished, hoping for near-completion
.
a specter
a wraith that floated in & out
of my life, others’ lives
never committing to one, lying to another,
dissembling all, deluding him self
.
because he was merely a shadow
a fragmented soul that could not mend
and eventually melted away, far away,
and ejected to another realm,
to another pseudo-reality afar
.
what shreds of him left in my mind
become disclosed on random faces, at familiar places, in empty spaces
vaguely familiar, faintly similar, incredibly peculiar,
but it is not him, it can not be him, he was never him self
the one i remembered did not have enough courage nor strength nor fortitude
.
because i saw a fragile creature encasing shards
of troubled fragments embracing delusions,
exclusions, illusions, omissions, and filled with
crocodile tears, incredible brilliance, monumental fears,
splintered madness, forfeited happiness, broken dreams
.
so, i paid the penalty fee, forgave the pointless pain, forgot that distant heartache
now, i only see shadows and silhouettes and wisps of that intertwined spirit
perhaps watching over me, any where, any time, any how, any way
and maybe haunting me, some where, some time, some how, some way
but this fantasma is never unnerving nor threatening to me, but it is circulating me and it is fragmented
.