Reflection and Retrospection

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Reflection and Retrospection

I am a witch, an angel, a faery, a sorcerer and a survivor.
I am not afraid
I am not needy
I am not dependent on someone else
I know what I like and I have an easier time expressing it directly than many weak people with ulterior motives which are transparent to me.

It has been ten years
since I met the immortal vampire MisterE.

He mesmerized me using his art and intellect.
I put a spell on him using my brain and alchemy.

He was
beautiful on the outside
troubled on the inside
a walking and breathing contradiction –
brilliant, intellectual, and artistic on one side
dark, tortured and self-sabotaging on the other.

Duality. Fractured. Chaos. Drama. Half of a being.

He spent his time spinning his webs of so many false scenarios, white lies, outright frauds, alternate lives, compartmentalized relationships, and the rest of the time trying not to get caught in the maelstrom he manifested. He would move back and forth between his old life and new life, escaping and evading when things spun out of control, as they often did.

I spent most of my time on my magic, my art, my education and
tried to not get pulled down by him. I had reinvented myself several times and that new incarnation was still searching, researching, testing, and professing. I had returned to the City of Angels to start anew and was strong but vulnerable after ten years away in another life where i hid my talents, my art, my heart and my magic.

I thought I was strong enough for both of us, but my light could not overcome his darkness. He clung to me like a shadow.

I knowingly allowed him to mesmerize and seduce me down his brilliant and dark path.  I didn’t need someone else in my life to be okay.
He needed many people to fill the holes in his life, his soul, his heart. I knew it, I felt it, and I saw it in my dreams, my visions, my mind and my soul. I believed my powers of claircognizance and clairvoyance would enable me to control the situation. His darkness sometimes bathed me in doubt and fear. Oftentimes I had pity for this broken creature of the night.

On one side – he was my inspiration, encouraging me and giving his time to me (for obvious reasons), telling me his dreams of making his brilliant projects, saying he believed I would make all of mine (which i did).
On the other side – he was needy, a black hole of despair and regret and deceit…  his dark energy had started to suck me into that abyss.

I had power and magic inside me, ultimately I moved onward and outward and upward from his enigmatic entropy.

Last year, I was told he slipped backward and downward and wayward.
He was worse in his mental chaos, more desperate, more destructive, more flaky and shaky. I heard he even scammed his own family, apparently, to try to make his project, but failed at getting it made. They were on the verge of losing ownership of their castle that had been in their family for several generations.

I am light and shiny and bright and peaceful now.
Three years ago, without resorting to negative tactics, I floated above and beyond the mysterious dark glampire.

I finally ejected and escaped his claws, after being thrice seduced by him.

I moved beyond him and all his darkness because I am survivor and I can be without mavericks, wanderers, interlopers, lost souls and those soulless vampires.

This is my autobiography
part parable, part metaphor,
part fiction, part truth,
and all reflections extracted from
my Book of Shadows and Light.

Angebel D’Or
Witch Angel Faery Sorcerer

01 Jan 11
(1st draft)

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